


Liar

by aeryntheofficial



Series: Javier Peña x Reader Works [1]
Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Arguing, Cussing, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Yelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:21:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27632000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeryntheofficial/pseuds/aeryntheofficial
Summary: Javier Lies about his feelings in order to protect you.
Relationships: Javier Peña & Reader, Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Series: Javier Peña x Reader Works [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020364
Comments: 1
Kudos: 56





	1. Liar - Part 1

You sat at your desk, shuffling papers around loudly as well as sighing more than usual. Something that catches your partner Steve’s attention, as he sits in the desk across from you.

“Could you calm down? Your angry paper shuffling is distracting,” he muttered.

Your eyes lifted from your papers to look at the exhausted man in front of you and you let out a dejected sigh.

“Yes, I’m sorry,” you say leaning back in your chair, “I’m just…upset is all,” you offer lamely.

Steve lets out a dry chuckle before scribbling something down on his own papers, “Yeah no kidding. What’s got you all riled up in the first place? You’re usually pretty good about hanging up your problems as the door,” he observes, finally setting his pen down and looking to you.

You pursed your lips as you looked at your best friend. Steve had become one of your closest allies since you got reassigned to Colombia, and you pretty much told each other everything. But you weren’t sure if you could tell him about what was bugging you today.

So you shook your head, and looked back down to your papers trying to distract yourself from the issues running through your head, “It’s nothing I can’t handle Steve,” you assure, “Just some personal things I have to work out is all.”

You see Steve roll his eyes before they fall to something behind you and he sits up straighter, “Just in time Pen͂a! I have some things I have to run by you real quick.”

You stiffen slightly as the name of your other partner leaves Steve’s lips and he stands from his chair to greet the other agent with a clap on the back.

You feel Javier lay his hand on your shoulder as he walks over to stand by Murphy’s desk, “Afternoon, (Y/N),” he greets kindly.

But you shrug his hand from your shoulder and don’t look up from your papers, “Agent Pen͂a,” you respond coldly. 

This short response shocks both of the men standing beside you, especially Javier. You were usually the kindest and most boisterous person in the room, telling everyone good morning and asking how there day was, and even bringing people coffee when the looked overwhelmed. So, to receive such a short clipped answer from you was very unusual, and Steve knew immediately that Javier was the reason for your less than chipper mood today. Javier, on the other hand, was very confused. Just the other day you all had been laying in his bed, sans-clothing, after a very rousing and heated evening with one another. You had been perfectly fine then, and yesterday when you both had worked together…so what had happened between then and now?

“Hey, are you okay?” Javier asked sincerely, going to put a hand on your shoulder once more.

You smacked his hand away and cast him a cool stare, “Just peachy Javier,” you grabbed your pile of papers from your desk in a rush and stood from your chair, “I have to go give these Ambassador Noonan,” you move past Javier without another word to him and look to Steve as you leave, “I’ll see you later Steve.”

* * *

The rest of the day had been like that, you not so subtly ignoring Javier, in favor of either burning a hole in the papers in front of you with your eyes or talking inly to Steve and the others in the office. It was absolutely infuriating Javier to no end. He wasn’t necessarily angry at you, more frustrated and confused as to what had you so obviously upset with him.

Steve let out a loud sigh as they both watched your figure retreat from the office to go home for the day, and he turned to look at his partner.

“You _have_ to get the sorted out Pen͂a, because I cannot go another day like that,” he said in an exasperated tone, hands on his hips.

Javier looked to his partner incredulously, “Me? I don’t even know _why_ she’s mad at me!” he defended.

Steve just shrugged and grabbed his jacket from his chair and walk towards the door, “Well go talk to her or something,” he suggested, “figure out why she’s upset.”

and then he was gone, leaving Javier alone with his thoughts as he too left the Embassy to figure out what had happened.

He tried to think over every single interaction you all had as he walked up the stairs of his apartment building to your apartment, which was directly above his. He stood in front of your door, hesitating momentarily before knocking three times on the wood. He heard shuffling around before a faint ‘Just a minute!’ was called out. Then the door was swung open, and your face seemed to fall into a scowl the minute you laid eyes on him. You had one hand on the door and one hand balled into a fist at your side.

“What do you want Javier?” you bite.

Javier feels himself bristle at your cold and dismissive tone and he crosses his arms, “I want to know what your fucking problem is,” he deadpans.

You let out a humorless laugh, “You want to know what _my_ problem is?” you ask rhetorically, “My problem is _you_ Javier, you’re a selfish asshole!” you exclaim.

Before you can stop him Javier is slipping past you and into your apartment, not wanting to have this conversation out in the middle of the hallway.

“ _I’m_ the asshole? You were the one treating me like shit all day at work, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.” He argued.

You closed the door to your apartment and turned on him, fire burning in your eyes, “You didn’t do anything wrong?” you almost screamed, “I _heard_ you last night Javier, I heard you and our informant loud and clear.”

Javier’s moth dropped open forming an ‘oh’ shape as if he ad just realized what you meant. But then a look of confusion came over his face and he crossed his arms once again.

“So what?”

Those two words, two simple words and his dismissive tone, extinguished the fire running through your veins and replaced it with lead. Your heart fell to your stomach and a lump formed in your throat as your hands came to cross over your stomach, retracting into yourself.

“So what?” your voice cracked as you repeated his biting words, “ _So what?”_ you whispered again.

Javier was immediately aware of your drastic change in demeanor and he felt his heart constrict.

You looked up at him through the tears collecting in your eyes, “Did what he have not mean anything to you?” you ask desperately, “I mean I know that-“ you paused, not sure if you wanted to crack open this surely rotten egg, “I know that you aren’t the ‘settling down’ type but I thought that maybe-“

“Maybe what?” Javier asked, anger bubbling up to hide his insecurities and fear at what you were insinuating.

You quickly wiped a tear away that had slipped from your eyes and you refused to look at him, “I though that maybe you felt something for me,” you whimpered, “because I know I feel something for you,” you admitted, “something more than just sex.”

You heard Javier scoff, and that was the final blow that ripped your heart in half and you hugged yourself tighter as he stepped closer to you, almost nose to nose.

“It was just sex, (Y/N). Nothing more than a good fuck to release the pent up frustration that comes with the job,” he seethes.

He has to grind the lies out past his teeth. the only thing he wants to do is pull you in close and hold you and tell you that he felt the same way. He truly did feel something for you, but the idea of being in any kind of committed relationship terrified him. It played on his insecurities of if he was good enough for you or if this life was safe enough to even have a relationship. Yes he did feel _a lot_ more for you than just physical attraction, which is precisely why he chose to sleep with the informant on your case. To not only get information as usual, but also to try and shove the thoughts of you from his mind. Yet, as he was there with the informant, the only thing he could think of was you beneath him, and that’s when he realized he was royally fucked over by his emotions and feelings for you. 

But he held fast in his resolve to push you away. If he pushed you away he couldn’t hurt you anymore than what he already had right? That’s what he tried to tell himself as he took in the sight if you almost physically crumbling apart in front of him.

You shook your head as more tears fell and you were basically sobbing now, “I don’t believe you,” you cried, your fists balling up and hitting him roughly on the chest, “You’re _lying,_ you are lying to me and I _know_ it!” your breaths are ragged now, hiccups interrupting your words as you pound weakly at the chest of the man who stole your heart.

He finally clasped his hands around your wrists to stop your pathetic attack and pushed you away from him slightly, cringing at how much it emotionally pained him to do so.

“I’m not, and you need to accept that what we had was nothing more than a physical relationship,” he said, a certain finality in his words.

You felt stupid, you felt ashamed that the man you loved was looking at you like you were nothing, but you could see the guarded look in his eyes. A look that showed he had put up many, many walls to protect himself and others around him. You furiously wiped away the tears that wouldn’t seem to stop falling and walked swiftly over to your door, ripping it open and looking at the floor beneath you.

“Then get. Out.” The words come out bitter and clipped, yet your voice was still wet with tears.

Javier felt his composure falter slightly at this command and he felt frozen in place. He couldn’t even open his mouth to speak. So you, feeling anger and heartbreak overwhelm you, marched over to him and grabbed his arm, dragging him to the door.

“GET OUT! Get out of my fucking house Javier!” you shove him roughly out the door and you see him turn to you before you fully retreat back into the safety of your apartment.

“(Y/N), wait-“

“No. I _hate_ you Javier. I will continue to work with you until we catch this son of a bitch, but don’t _ever_ show your face here again. Now leave.”

The anger in your voice along with the resounding slam of the door in his face left Javier speechless on your doorstep. He felt his own heart break at the words you threw at him, but he knew he deserved them. He deserved ever single word. The quiet opening and closing of a door next to your apartment cause Javier to take his gaze from your apartment number to the source of the sound, and he saw Steve leaning against the wall a few feet away, giving him a disapproving look.

“What Murphy? If you’re gonna lecture me or something or tell me how horrible of a person I am then save it,” he sneered at his partner, “I’m well aware.”

Steve didn’t say anything, he just walked over to the dejected and lost looking Javier and squeezed his shoulder lightly, before walking down the stairs and out of the apartment complex. Javier looked after his partner, then back to your still closed door, painfully aware of the quiet sobs still coming from inside, before he followed suit. Leaving two broken souls in the middle of the hallway.


	2. Part 2

It had been over a week since the argument between you and Javier in your apartment, and things had not gotten any better. You had remained cordial at work, doing what you needed to do in order to complete your everyday tasks and help both Steve and Javier in the journey to take down Escobar, but you had been distant. No more were the late-night bar outings with Steve, Connie, and Javier. No more were the movie nights in Javier’s apartment. You had completely shut yourself off from everyone around you in favor of the cold seclusion of your apartment, and it killed Javier.

He noticed the way you wouldn’t even look at him anymore. And when you did, it was with the same wounded and distant expression that has been burned in Javier’s mind since that fateful night many days ago. He hated himself for what he had said, and he knew you were right about his lies. He had lied straight to your face in order to, in his eyes, protect you from himself. Javier knew you deserved better than him. Better than some worn out DEA bachelor who was afraid of commitment and attachments. Since the argument, he has had many lonely hours to think. Think about why he actually said what he did, why he said all those hurtful things to you instead of taking you into his arms like his consciousness was screaming at him to do. And the only conclusion he could seem to come to was that he was in love with you.

_In love?  
_

Javier scoffed quietly at the idea as he looked down at the same page of the report, he had been staring at for the past thirty minutes. He tried to shake away the thought that had been plaguing his every waking, and sleeping, moment for the past few days. The last time he was in love with someone he had left her on the altar, convincing himself that it was the right thing to do for her; and while that may have been true, he was terrified of hurting you anymore that he already had. With his brows furrowed at his own thoughts of you, he cast a careful glance at your desk adjacent from his, sitting empty and void of any signs of life. A frown settled itself on the man’s lips as he straightened up in his seat leaning back in the old office chair. Come to think of it, Javier hadn’t seen you come into the office yesterday either. This was an odd occurrence considering you had never even taken so much as a sick day since you started at the embassy, so the thought of you not showing up two days in a row caused a seed of worry to plant itself inside Javier’s chest. 

He removed his gaze from your empty desk to look at his partner sitting across from him, concentrated on the file in front of him as he scribbled down notes erratically.

“Murphy,” he begins, catching the agent’s attention, “Do you know where (y/n) is? It’s not like her to not show up to work two days in a row,” he said worriedly.

Despite the fight you all had, Javier still cared for you. In fact, he had even been considering going to talk to you fairly soon, finally shoving down his pride so he could do what’s right and fix what he had broken. But the confused and slightly sympathetic look that crossed Steve’s face had Javier’s heart skipping a beat as the agent spoke.

“Maybe you should go check on her,” he suggests slowly, going back to writing notes.

Javier stood from his seat and looked down at his partner frustratedly, “What aren’t you telling me Murphy?” he bites.

Murphy, ever the one to stand up to Javier’s demanding aura, shifted uncharacteristically under his gaze, “She-“ he stops for a moment, and finally leans back to look into his partners eyes, “Did you seriously not know?”

Apparently, he did not.

He clutches the back of his office hair desperately, worry and frustration eating at him, “Didn’t know what? Steve, just fucking spit it out already,” he barks.

Steve lets out a sigh, “(y/n), put in for a transfer back to the states a week ago. It was approved and she’s set to fly out today,” Steve says reluctantly, “She’s probably back at her apartment packing.”

“Why didn’t you tell me!” Javier scolds, ripping his jacket from the back of the chair before storming out of the office, Steve stumbling behind him.

“I thought you knew!” he defends, following Javier out to his car and watches as he throws the door open more forcefully then necessary, “Where are you going Pen͂a?”

Javier slides into the car and turns the ignition turning to his friend, “I’m going to fix this,” he says simply, before closing his car door and speeding towards your apartment.

——

Javier knocked at your door with three firm and fast taps, urging you to open the door as quickly as possible.

He had to talk to you.

He had never felt his heart plummet faster than the moment that Steve had told him you were leaving. It felt like his entire being folded in on itself at the thought of never seeing you again, and all because he was a stupid, arrogant jackass who couldn’t admit his own faults. He felt his heart slam against his ribcage as more time passed after his initial knocking. He didn’t hear you call out from within, and you didn’t answer the door, so he knocked again, louder this time with more urgency.

“(y/n), please open the door,” he calls, voice pleading, “I know you said you never wanted to see me here again but – “ his voice falters, “please let me in – let me explain.”

The opening of a door caught Javier’s attention and he stood a bit straighter as he saw Connie exit her and Steve’s apartment next to yours, eyes wide as she noticed Javier.

“Javier? What are you doing here?” she asks, incredulously.

Javier looks from her to your apartment door, “I was uh – I was trying to see (y/n). I just found out she requested a transfer and I didn’t want to leave things the way they were,” he admitted quietly.

Connie looks at him with a look of pity in her eyes before resting a gentle hand on his arm, “Javier…” she trails off for a moment before continuing, “(y/n)’s gone. She left for the airport half an hour ago,” she says sadly.

Javier felt his stomach turn and his eyes snapped up to meet hers and he grasped her hand desperately, “What? When does her flight leave?” he asks frantically.

Connie shakes her head, clearly caught off guard by Javier’s panicked behavior, “I-I don’t know, she seemed in a hurry, so I think it leaves soon.”

As soon as the words meet his ears Javier drops Connie’s hand, turns on his heel, and rushes from the building back to his car. He jumps in and starts the ignition once more and screeches out of the parking lot in the direction of the airport.

The drive, which should only take at least ten minutes, seems to drag on forever for Javier. It seems that he catches every red light as his blood rushes in his ears and he speeds down the roadways, desperate to reach you before you’re gone for good. After what seems like hours, he finally reaches the airport and pulls up haphazardly to the valet, tossing them his keys before sprinting into the lobby of the large building. His heart feels like it might fly from his chest at how fast it’s beating as he runs through the crowded airport, eyes glancing over the flight directory frantically until he finds yours. His heart leaps into his throat as he sees that the plane hasn’t departed yet, but it falls once more when he sees that it’s supposed to leave in ten minutes. He begins to run once more.

He navigates the large hallways twisting and turning and fighting through security until he finally reaches your gate and his eyes land on your all too familiar form, handing over your boarding ticket to the flight attendant. He rushes to you, his emotions clouding his rational judgment, and his hands slips around your wrist.

You turn around, startled at the sudden contact, and your eyes widen as they meet those of a very disheveled looking Javier, and your lips settle into a thin line as you speak, “What are you doing here?” you ask sternly.

The flight attendant hands you back your ticket, allowing you to move a few steps to the side with him, out of the flow of traffic, but still very much in the public eye.

Javier’s mouth opened and closed, his mind running blank now that he is standing in front of you. The only words he can manage to push out past his still labored breathing are, “Please don’t leave.”

You scoff ripping your hand from his grasp and taking a step back, “Why? Why should I continue to stay here where I’m clearly not wanted?” you ask, anger seeping into your words, “I want to go home Javier.”

He shakes his head, his mind more clear now but still unsure of what he could possibly say to fix the situation- change your mind and get you to stay here – with him.

“You are wanted,” he defends, voice quiet, “Steve and Connie are torn up that you left, and I-“ he paused, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Confusion began to worm its way into your mind along with all the anger and other confused emotions swirling around inside of you. Javier was sitting here at the airport trying to stop you from leaving when a week before he told you that you were nothing more than a fuck-buddy.

“Why didn’t I _tell you?_ ” you grind out, voice raising an octave higher than normal, “You fucker. _you – “_ you jab an accusing finger into his chest, “ _you_ did this. _You_ told _me_ that what we had meant nothing to you,” your voice cracked as you spoke and pulled your hand down to your side clenching and unclenching as a way to keep some form of composure, “You’re a fucking asshole Javier, and I thought I told you last time I didn’t _ever_ want to see you again.”

While you tried to keep yourself composed on the outside, you were currently a confused and emotional mess on the inside. Javier showing up at the airport was not something you saw happening. You thought he hated you after what had happened, and you told him your true feelings. That’s why you were leaving; because you couldn’t stand the thought of the man you loved hating your guts for the duration of your time in Colombia. So, him showing up here, it was ruining everything. Your plan of a quick and quiet escape and to not tell Javier about it to avoid… _this –_ was now forfeit as the man stood in front of you know desperately pleading for you.

Javier sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I know. I _know_ what you said – but I had to explain myself. I can’t let you leave when things are like this,” his words are urgent as the last call for the plane rings through the intercoms and you start to turn away from him.

“Well it’s too late for apologies. I have to go.”

“I _was_ lying!” he calls out, his words stopping you in your tracks as you barely turn to look over your shoulder, “That night, when you said I was lying – you were right. I _was_ lying, because that’s the only thing I know how to do right. If I push the people I care about away, I can’t hurt them. I’m fucked up,” his voice is a little louder now as he approaches you and grasps your arm gently but you don’t turn around, “I’m so messed up and I thought by pushing you away and saying all those stupid fucking things that I was saving you.”

He finished his explanation and a tense silence hung in the air around you as he waited for you to respond. You stood there, unsure of what to do. Your heart was telling you to turn around and go back to your apartment with the man you love, but the other, more rational part, was telling you to leave. So, you listened to the latter and pulled your arm from his grip, “You fucked up Javier. You didn’t save me –“ you finally turned to face him a bit more, your watery gaze meeting his own, “You killed me.” And with those final words you walked down the hallway to board the plane, leaving him to stare after you.[[2]](https://aerynwrites.tumblr.com/post/190644200202/liar-part-2-javier-pe%C3%B1a-x-reader#_msocom_2)

His blood felt like ice in his veins as you disappeared from sight, his heart weighing heavy in his chest as he turned around and walked slowly away from the gate. He wasn’t mad, how could he be? This situation was his own doing and as the saying goes: he made his bed, so now he has to lie in it. He has to lie in his own misery and heartbreak, in his lonely and dark apartment until they catch Escobar…and who knows how long that will take. Javier wasn’t usually an emotional man but _this -_ this was a little too much for him to take. It felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest, and he supposed it was, since you held his heart in your hands and were currently boarding a plane to take you thousands of miles away. He was so caught up in his own inner turmoil, he didn’t hear the sound of rapid footfalls approaching him from behind.

You had come back.

You were just about to board the plane, when you felt your own heart constrict. You stood there momentarily ignoring the annoyed look of the flight attendants waiting to close the plane door, and instead grasped desperately at your purse strap, the leather digging into your hand painfully. You cast a glance over your shoulder, then back to the flight crew, “I’m sorry. I won’t be boarding,” you rushed out before turning back the way you came and running out of the boarding tunnel towards the one person you truly loved.

People stared at you quizzically as you ran by them and towards the exit of the airport. You spotted Javier almost immediately, as he hadn’t gotten far from the terminal. You ran to him before finally calling out his name a few feet away.

Javier heard his name slip from your lips in an all too familiar whisper and he spun around, catching you in his arms as he did so. The force of the impact almost knocked him over, but he managed to stay standing as you wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face in his chest.

“I don’t want to go, I can’t.” you whimper as you look up at him through your tear soaked lashes, “But if I stay, you have to fucking _promise_ me you won’t do this to me again.”

Javier’s eyes widen, and he shakes his head, “Never. I just –“ he stumbles over his words, “I hate who I am, and you deserve so much better than me and what I can give you,” he explains, his own emotions forming a lump in his throat, “you deserve the world and I can’t give you that.” He admits.

You shake your head and bring one of your hands to rest gently on the side of his face, thumb running over his cheek lightly, “But you can give me a home,” you say quietly, “what you did was shitty Javier, you know that and I know that but-“ you pause taking in a deep breath, “For some reason I still love you, so much, and I can’t keep ignoring it.”

Javier doesn’t speak. How can he? You pretty much just admitted that you knew what he did was terrible and awful, yet you still love him, and you were still willing to give him a second chance to do right and make up for what he had done.

Before you realize what’s happening, Javier has his hands on the sides of your face and is pulling you into a passionate kiss. Every unsaid word every sleepless night from both of you is spilt into this kiss and you bring your hands up to his shoulders to keep you grounded. He finally pulls away and rests his forehead on yours.

“I love you Javi,” you whisper.

Javier smiles at the nickname he had missed hearing so much and pulls you into a tight embrace.

“I love you too.”

.

.

.

A sharp crack fills the air as you and Javi exit the airport and he turns to face you hand cradling his reddening cheek.

“What the hell?” he exclaims, eyes wide in surprise.

You cross your arms, “ _That_ was for lying to me.”

He shrugs before rubbing his face lightly, “Okay, I deserved that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted to Tumblr


End file.
